Understanding your Achiever

0.00 You mentioned something about feeling “worthless” when bedbound. I strongly relate to that, I feel that my self-worth is dependent (only) upon achieving. Any advice or ideas on dealing with this?

2.25 Somebody mentioned that they do not like when people are silent when they’re talking. I also relate to that and was wondering whether you maybe have some ideas on how to deal with this?

4.50 I have trouble “seeing” parts. My images of the Achiever during the exercise flipped around a lot at first. Some of the images were not even human, one was an old man (but I’m a woman!), one was a weird young man moving around very fast, etc. I tried to make it a human female, specifically me as a pre-teen, and suddenly it was me at age 7 or 8 feeling like I could never do anything right, and I felt so sorry for it(/me) that I started crying. How do I know that was real? Does it have to be real, or can I connect with the Achiever in a real way even if the image is not “genuine” somehow?

8.34 I have a very strong achiever. How often should I have a serious session with it i.e. connecting via the process you used in the exercise, listening, & reassuring?

11.04 I’ve been working with my “worried part” a lot during rounds, especially the part that’s always telling me I’m not working enough, I have to finish that report, etc. I ask it what will happen if I don’t finish the report. I show it that nothing dreadful will happen. I reassure it that it’s lovable and loved even if I don’t finish the report. Is this the same as working with the Achiever even though I don’t call it the Achiever?

14.20 I often feel overwhelm/anxiety/fear/freeze when a new project comes in for work. I sometimes also feel a short-lived version if this sensation when I get an email or text. You mentioned previously (in the Forum) that Safety Seeker is the one who causes fear/anxiety. I think you mentioned in the workshop that Achiever can create fear too? If so, can you describe the relationship between Achiever and Safety Seeker in regards to the expression of fear?

17.49 Too much work is a trigger. But, ironically, too little work can trigger similar feelings. It’s an unsettled sensation. Is this also the achiever?

19.29 Why does the achiever procrastinate, scroll, research, etc? I understand that they are numbing, but from what?

21.02 Can you compare the achiever and perfectionist parts? what are their similarities and differences? how do you work differently with each of these parts?

24.54 When is the best time to speak to my Achiever?

26.30 Is the only thing I can do to heal my Achiever is just talking to the Achiever?

28.20 My question is in relation to the achiever wanting external praise. If it isn’t so bothered about external praise or being an achievement that is more societally recognised then is it not the achiever? I definitely have a perfectionist but I feel there is an achiever that pushes me, especially with goals that I have (mostly to do with health at the moment) but it isn’t very good at pacing yet.

I can see that it do things for external validation at one point but tended to receive that from teachers rather than primary care givers; I am now a teacher. I try to be good at my job but I choose to work on being healthy and happy rather than climb the ladder at school. My perfectionist definitely steps in and causes problems with my time management and workload though which is why I see a difference between these parts. I am struggling with what I think is the achiever.

32.44 I had a lightbulb moment actually, realising the tight gripping feeling I get in my sternum and diaphragm area (which effects my breathing at times) is my Achiever… more specifically the fear of failure gripping in my chest.

34.16 What makes the Achiever rush? …think there is ‘not enough time’? I find the rushing urgency of the Achiever quite uncomfortable physically and mentally.

36.05 I would love to help slow the Achiever down some. In your experience, is this something you can speak to the Achiever about directly or is it better to just work on getting it to relax and unburden in general and slowing down will follow?

39.37 Are there any other parts that frequently interact with the Achiever? I find it so helpful understanding the interactions.

42.30 While doing the exercise this part changes all the time, often hiding within another image. Sometimes there is no image, more a feeling of energy. When talking to part I sometimes feel it come out and look at me but still no image. Most of the time (for the first 2 or 3 times I did the exercise) it’s quite happy to talk to me. Why would part feel like it’s got to hide from me?

45.42 The last time I did exercise I had a sense of energy rather than images. This time the part didn’t want to talk to me except when I asked about new job. Then it got frustrated and asked me what I thought it had been doing. I asked it if it wanted to keep meeting me but got no answer. I can’t seem to get any consistency with this part and don’t feel I’m getting through. Any suggestions?

49.15 In an answer to one of the questions about practical ways to deal with part you say to spend time with it. In a previous session you said that less is more when working with parts. Does it depend on which part you’re working with as to how much time you spend and how often?

51.26 Conclusion

52.23 What’s Next – Other Workshops

56.22 Feedback