Understanding your Victim

0.00 Welcome

0.14  Sometimes when I feel hopeless, helpless and powerless, I get Angry. Is this the Victim Part?

3.25 I tend to get stuck in positivity bypass either by distracting or telling myself I don’t have it that bad. I think my victim is hiding behind my inner critic and other parts because it fears that I will get stuck in victim mode. It fears I will get stuck feeling sorry for myself which then activates my inner critic to snap out of it and to stop being so pathetic.

8.12 When an event comes up I look forward to at first, but then I remember all my limitations that make it very difficult like food sensitivities, energy levels, etc., my victim part says “yeah but remember you’re not normal so you can’t do that” and then I fall into that victim mode again.

10.58 Is it possible to change family dynamics when it’s only me retraining my parts? It seems like there is this special kind of dance according to the drama triangle. It seems very old and everyone plays their roles. It really drains my energy when I interact with them. Sometimes I people please, then I’m trying to rescue one of them or I disparage one of them. What a mess!

16.35 I’m not sure what is meant with energy level. I don’t feel energy moving through my body or the energy field of my body.

19.35 I have difficulties to see my inner parts and to really disidentify. I also never see my retrainer on the mind map when I move from step 2 to step 3. Nor can I put a memory on that movie screen. I do “feel’ different though. When I validate the emotions of the part I often cry, but it’s just like a wave. It ends pretty soon again. Any suggestions on that?

24.52 You said in the exercise if you were able to connect to hopeful, Strong, empowered, feeling-what does it feel like to ask for your needs? What does that mean? What needs? Can you give an example?

29.19 You said we all have a victim from birth, healthy, or unhealthy. What does a healthy victim look like?

32.52 I have discovered a strong Inner Critic (Mother’s persona – super critical & controlling), have been working with & gaining insight into approval seeker, perfectionist, achiever parts

Before Victim workshop I experienced an agitation in my system & a scenario that followed I placed all of it on the mind map and realised that I view the world from a victim mindset with the belief that the whole world is out to get me and inherently unsafe. My questions: I assume this is a very active victim part and is the lens through which I view the world is that correct ?

36.55 Not quite sure how to proceed with this as I realise in retrospect it’s a huge player in my interactions with others – do I just watch and observe or can I be more proactive – any suggestions welcomed

40.09 I sometimes connect with the body sensations/tightness associated with Victim part & understand cognitively the emotions involved but am not able to actually feel them – where’s the likely block here?

41.59  During the exercise when softening and validating emotions, using “I understand you were only a child then, I’m much older and wiser now” didn’t quite land with me. I felt that “being an adult now” doesn’t remove the shame because as an adult (and supposedly wiser person) I have made similar mistakes and have shame associated with them. What other language can I use to validate my Victim part?

45.33 How do I make peace with my victim part when I was not accepted by any of my peers in primary school? How do I make myself feel seen and heard back then during those years? Is it a case of being seen and heard by my wise loving self?

47.56 I find that the age and appearance of my victim part changes a lot – sometimes even during a session, or when I visit her on different days. The younger she is, the more extreme her beliefs are. I wonder how to deal with that. Will I see her growing up eventually? She does sometimes magically transform into a more upright and empowered young woman.

52.35 How to deal with the fact that my victim is often joined by other parts, e.g. the Safety Seeker – which is a particularly virulent combination – and by the Angry Part? Could I employ the method as for polarized parts or work with them sequentially or…? And I work with the Inner Critic separately to accept the victim, right?

58.05 How important is it to recognize how the victim was formed and what it is triggered by?

1.00.25 One thing I noticed was, that the victim part was the first one where I felt fatigue and powerless as a connected body sensation, all the other ones where mostly connected to tension, pain or resistance, which I in interpreted as “waisting energy”. As this is one of my present symtoms, might this be a hint, that it is more important for me than I thought before? (for quite some time I thought I didn`t have a victim, too-as the rescuing parts-which cant rest- have always been stronger).

1.04.03 As I have a quite clear moment in the past linked to the victim I went back to that moment during the exercise several times. It was in my youth, when I moved out of the shared room with my younger brother and did get a room on my own. So I experienced the victim then being lonely, disconnected and sad, stuck in this room in a house in a small village- and around the “dangerous” world I wasn’t allowed or able to go to. And I was wondering if I had lost my role as caring for my younger brother as well. As I call my helper part, the “caring part”, might it be him now, who tries to keep my busy in that role, so that I don´t need to feel the negative emotions of the victim, rescuing me out of the locked in feeling? And while I am caring for my kids or home nowadays, I normally don’t feel fatigued, but often forget to rest…

1.09.54 How can I know, if I am just doing a “positive bypassing” in order to not feel the negative emotions or by allowing  other parts “to rescue” the victim or if there is a positive shift in the victims behaviour?

1.13.12 How can I deal with the victim part always searching for “proofs” that I cannot become healthy again?

1.17.39 How can I address the victim part always focussing on the areas where symptoms became worse or new symptoms occurred? (Unfortunately I improved in some areas but not in others yet and I got some new symptoms

1.22.43 How can I address the fear that the program will help others but not me?

1.26.05 What’s Next and Feedback Form

1.29.40 Language Interpretation

1.30.47 Goodbye and Thank You