Understanding Your Safety Seeker Part

0.00 Welcome

0.11 I’m struggling to understand how to work with this part.  How do you grow the capacity to allow fear to exist?

2.48 How do you discern what is a true fear versus a perceived fear?

5.41 In 2023 (when I was 66 years old), I developed a pollen allergy for the first time in my life. Soon after, I also developed chemical sensitivities to various fragrances and certain spices. How is this connected to the Safety Seeker?  

7.49 Is it OK to externalize my own Safety Seeker as the Sam the Fireman toy from the Gupta Program?

8.18 How to increase the capacity for fear? I have been trying to sit and validate feeling scared but it feels like I can’t quite reach it besides agreeing with my part and saying “yes that was very scary.” 

10.33 After I have a situation where I felt hurt, I ruminate about it and come up with strategies to make sure it won’t happen again. But I get stuck in anger and criticism about it. Is this the safety seeker not wanting to feel those victim feelings?

14.28  You talked about a combination of the Hyper-vigilant and Judgemental Safety Seeker parts and how exhausting that can be in social situations.  If unavoidable, what steps can we take to prepare for the event, strategies during the event and recovery afterwards to safeguard our energy levels?

19.34 Is there a link between the Hyper-vigilant safety seeker and being an empath, both are concerned for other people’s emotions but how can that be managed?

21.21 How do you know when your safety seeker part specifically feels safe?

23.00 I use yoga nidra meditations a lot to calm my nervous system. Do you have thoughts on a sankalpa that would help with the safety seeker? I’ve been trying something like “I’m letting go of worry and fear because I am safe.” Or “I’m learning to let go of worry and fear. I am safe.”

24.53 I’ll be attending a work conference soon and am feeling anxious about it. Large events are exhausting and when you spoke about the hyper vigilance of the safety seeker that was true for me. I have an active inner critic and worry about being judged. Any thoughts on how to prepare for the conference and manage during? 

28.41 Your considered approach to aligning your ‘Parts’ workshops so that when we reach the Safety Seeker, it makes complete sense for all the previous workshops and ties them together nicely. I had SO many Aha moments and a lot of relief came through. I felt like my Safety Seeker (controller and analyser especially) had been heard and validated during your workshop. Thank you!

30.04 During the exercise of meeting my SS, it showed up in the top-line of my traps and shoulders. It was strongly present, however at the end of the exercise it didn’t really subside, it was still lingering. Cognitively I was fine. What does this mean?

32.14 I would like to be able to confidently articulate my needs in tough topics to people close to me with kindness and assertiveness. Not going in with the intent of an outcome, just to be heard or at the very least, to have the confidence to say what I would like to say without shutting down, feeling overwhelmed and resigning to talking it through in my head what I would’ve said if I could. How can I talk to my SS to trust that I can use my words to have difficult conversations without having to constantly write down or analyse what to say in my head before (and after) I see them? In the workshop you mentioned that when the Victim and SS are both active = overwhelm, is that what’s happening here?

*A little background – when I was younger, there were many times I was shut down when trying to speak up for myself, or when I started opening up I was given an ultimatum, or I went to being emotional too soon or the other got defensive quickly.

39.38 I’m wondering how the number/distractor fit in . I believe that numbing or distracting often have the purpose to make you feel safer. In my past I sometimes used to drink quite a bit in social situations in order to feel less awkward or anxious or stuffing down emotions with food. Is there a Safety Seeker working hand in hand with those parts? I  know that the Inner Critic used to jump in afterwards. A cluster right? At least there is awareness now.

42.05 I can’t sleep when in hospital, in a hotel room or when someone is sleeping in the same room. My son is the only exception. Funny thing: I don’t have these difficulties when I’m staying in an apartment on vacation. Hotel doesn’t work though. I guess that I don’t feel safe. My body doesn’t relax and  that’s a prerequisite for being able to fall asleep. I’ve tried a lot: Breathing techniques, meditation, yoga nidra, body scan, listening to nature sound, just lying there with closed eyes… Is that an issue I can work on directly? Or is it something that will get better doing the work?

45.23 I get scared when a bird or a butterfly gets inside. This this uncontrollable fluttering is the thing that I can’t stand. The same thing: dogs that bark and jump around me. I’m not scared of getting bitten at all it’s being stuck and out of control. Outside I don’t care when a huge black dog comes my way in a calm manner, but those small ones that bark and move towards me scare me.  I call my amygdala Amy and when I get startled outside (e.g. that small barking dog) I keep talking to her like ” Hey, you are just startled. That’s totally normal. Others get started too, when that happens. It’s okay now. We are safe!!” Any other suggestions on that?

49.30 I repeated the exercise three times till now, but am a bit confused, as I got three different images appearing each time, but all in common they had the emotion anger stronger than fear. Could this be the victim energy connected with the fear and anger of losing control once life or other things get too much? How do I make the next step there, work with the victim first again, or try to get the image of the safety seaker a bit clearer?

53.00 For me the safety seaker and protector seem quite close and not easy to distinguish, both have fear of overwhelm, and fear of going back out more to normal life, as I am feeling better now. So for example I feel quite good now at the moment I am out, but coming back home I start to feel more exhausted, and having difficulties to come back to the relaxed state and also to find into good sleep. Could this be the safety seaker which fears relaxation as it is so similar to fatigue and is afraid of loosing control once it starts to relax? How can I help here to show that relaxing is safe?

58.07 I had some really good times in summer being able to do quite much and being able to pace during the activities as well. Now with every day tasks back home I start to feel overwhelm again, but I am quite sure it is not an energy problem, but more the fear of what might happen if things get too much. Again I think it is a combination of protector part and safety seaker, how can I support here to trust me that the activity and amount of activites are safe?

1.01.37 I really struggle with creating a sense of safety within me. For example, when I try to create a safe haven or safe space my mind gets really creative and always starts to put some kind of scary figures or persons or animals in this space that make me feel unsafe. And I can’t get rid of them. Is this also the safety seeker? What can I do about it?

1.07.03 You said a strong loving wise self and a sense of grounding is important to work with the safety seeker. You also said a strong safety seeker can create a sense of overwhelm, numbness and disconnection. That’s exactly how I feel and this disconnection makes it difficult for me to connect to my LWS. How am I supposed to work with the safety seeker if I can’t connect to my LWS and at the same time the safety seeker makes it hard to strengthen the LWS? It feels like a trap.

1.12.18 I have a strong perfectionist and listening to your explanations during the workshop it showed up and said “I have to get this right, I have to identify all of the parts that are beneath the safety seeker and find the right strategies to work with them. I can’t miss any of them otherwise I can’t heal my safety seeker and thus can’t recover”. Is this true? Do I have to identify all of the other parts and always need to know with which I am working now and what’s the best tool for this? Or does general retraining and doing the tools of the program also help to somehow calm the safety seeker without explicitly working with it?

1.16.53 Could the safety seeker part have been formed in early childhood without memories yet (e.g. through parents’ divorce) and as an adult be showing in responsible and very anticipatory behaviour and with more respect than maybe normal (+ a tendency to worry) regarding little more “risky” actions like for example a longer trip or flight?

1.19.48 Could experienced loss of loved ones have intensified an existing safety seeker part in the years before the illness started, also through a general worry since then regarding the remaining family members and oneself for these in reverse?

1.22.52 How could this be retrained in order to find more safety and trust in life again and see less danger – would it require retraining with focus on these situations or can the safety seeker part also become calmer through Retraining in general and thus a feeling of more safety return? 

1.24.48 It seems to me that all aspects of the SS that you mentioned come up for me to different degrees and at different times. How important is it to differentiate them in order to appease the SS in its current shape and form appropriately?

1.27.48 I sometimes feel that I am kind of „fake-appeasing“ the safety seeker when I say general things. How to find the right words and genuine sentiments? 

1.30.16 I have always visualized my SS as a very young child, maybe 2-3 years old, and have created a safety bubble for her with guardian angels, toys etc. Now after your description I am wondering whether this is indeed the SS or whether it is actually another inner child that the SS (a kind of cloud came up during the exercise) is protecting? Also: not sure whether this makes a difference.

1.32.19 Parts Mapping – Overwhelm with Parts and Parts Clusters (3 or more parts active)

1.36.18 What’s Next and Past Workshops

1.38.50 Feedback Form

1.40.11 Language Interpretation

1.41.15 Goodbye and Thank You