I have looked back at my time with the Gupta Program and see much more than just a journey towards health, I have not only grown healthy physically, but I have grown emotionally, mentally, and spiritually too. I found meaning to my life, I no longer live on autopilot just being who I was taught to be by the others around me, I have found a deep respect for my individuality and I learnt the most important lesson of all, authenticity.

In fact, upon writing this I realised that authenticity is what I prize most about declaring myself healthy, now I see that even if my physical health is not there, having authenticity means I can still thrive, and I wasn’t thriving when I started this journey, instead I was a victim to my circumstances.

When I started the Gupta Program, I had ME/CFS for 10 years, I had Fibromyalgia for 7 years, PoTs for 4 Years and Orthostatic Hypotension for 3 years and was just diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). Other diagnosis and conditions include hypoglycemia, costochondritis, MCS, Food intolerances, Overactive Bladder, Noise, and light sensitivity and many more I can no longer remember (I never thought I would forget them, but as I healed, I forgot much of what I had as I focused on living again).

I spent the last 4,5 years before starting the program housebound, steadily declining, I spent 2 years in a wheelchair until I was bedbound. I was unable to sit upright or eat certain foods without blacking out, I had full time care who saw to all my personal needs such as bathing, dressing etc, and I was taking 32 pills per day, I was told the only hope was to stabilise my conditions as I steadily declined. At the time I started, I was classed at 5% on the official ME/Fibro scales due to being unable to do anything, even a conversation or a hug was too much for my nervous system, a ringing phone could send my heartrate to 180bpm.

Being a mum of 3 this was an hard time of my life, I couldn’t watch a movie, or hug my children or even talk about their day, and this took a toll on my health and on them. My husband found it hard, working fulltime and being a part-time carer and single parent effectively and he developed depression and anxiety along with my eldest child.

Then one day a carer told me that I was always “negative” about my health, and although I adamantly denied it, afterwards I thought about what she said, I had heard of the Gupta Program, so I did some research, I watched the first 3 videos and I just knew that this was me, Ashok was speaking to me, and for once someone understood what was happening, I felt hope for the first time in many years…

When I started the program, I focused on meditation, doing it each time I hit fluster point, which meant 7 or 8 times a day (but I was in bed, so I had the time), a few days later I received the DVDs and started the main retraining, and I saw changes very quickly, and moved out of my bed onto the sofa within a month.

As I write this in February 2021, I have been doing the program for three years, I have had dips of all shapes and sizes, many personal obstacles and health challenges, external periods of difficulty within my family, I have had personal loss, I also had to learn to interact with my family while supporting my own healing without causing detriment to it through that support. All through these challenges the program has supported my healing, my understanding, and helped me change how I interacted with the world.

I have been officially undiagnosed of all conditions, I have no pain, I am able to walk now and I returned my wheelchairs to the NHS and I have also healed from migraines which I had since a young child, and after 15 years of osteoarthritis in my knees due to physical trauma my pain has reduced by 85%.

What does health look like? Nothing like what I thought it would when I started. Healing meant that at some point I had to let go of the idea that I was going back to my old life, going backwards towards “doing” and inauthenticity was how I got unwell in the first place, but it took some time for me to realise I wasn’t going back, what I had before I got sick wasn’t health either. If it was that would have looked like: full time work, childcare, rushing around, a spotless home, judging others to make myself feel better and living a life “having it all” while living up to societies expectations using my parts as my guide, and getting sick again.

Health looks like balance, balance of mind, body and soul, balance of time, balance of activity. And it looks like authenticity, being honest and open and vulnerable, accepting others as they are, and myself as I am, loving myself, and all parts.

For me what it looks like is a balance of home and work, I spend my evenings and weekends with my family, we enjoy walking, sightseeing, and watching family movies (ie. Re-engaging with joy, and life), I take a day for myself midweek while they are at work/school because I am important too, and I love a day to craft and find joy, while watching a feel-good movie, or going into nature for a walk and this makes me a calmer and happier mum and wife. I work/study during school hours because life is about balance, I still choose to have a meditation practice, and a close relationship with my parts, but I am now in self leadership (loving wise self-leadership), I have love and compassion for others, I can support them in a healthy way now, and I find time each day to be grateful for all I have, to savour my day, the joys and to be mindful to those around me.

Health looks nothing like what I expected it to look like, and I love that so much, because this life is so authentic and fits me perfectly, and I couldn’t be happier, and although I am extremely grateful to Ashok for his program, I am much more grateful to myself, for taking that step into the unknown, taking a chance and applying the techniques regularly even when I didn’t want to, for facing the past and the present and all my underlaying beliefs and conditionings, and being open to the growth and opportunities and riding out the growing pains, so that I could find my health and authenticity.

Ashok hands us an opportunity, it’s our job to accept it and to put in the self-effort to find health and happiness, and it is a beautiful thing to find.

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